So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
