I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
