she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
