I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
