Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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