Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
