I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
