woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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