You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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