I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
