i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They are going to name an STD after you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
