Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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