Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
