please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
