forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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