If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So vagazzling was a success
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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