My boss' voice literally gives me gas
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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