so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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