So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
