I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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