If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
