You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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