New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
