apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
