He asked to "fluff my boner.."
now i know why i became what i already was.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
