I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
