What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
