I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
