When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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