Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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