Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i think im in europe. pls send help
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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