I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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