Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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