If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
