Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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