oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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