afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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