I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
