but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
