My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
