I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
