my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
