i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's get the cat blown out
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
