Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
