he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
