I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
