ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
