I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
