In the future we'll all be gay
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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