i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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