genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
