I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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