The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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