Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
