Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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