apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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