What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
