you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
