singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
