I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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