Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
