Acid is not a monday night drug
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
