I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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