She's JV to your varsity
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
