That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize