never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
