They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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