i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
