I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
