I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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