She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
