hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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