I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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