Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
