Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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