i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
