On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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