I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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