i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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