I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
